May 4: Retrato de Familia 

Although I grew up as an only child I was surrounded by tons of cousins. Some I was closer to than others but they became the siblings that I always longed for. In the last three years, both of my grand dads have passed away, my grandmothers are still alive. One is living with Alzheimer’s disease, but she’s not as advance as we thought she’d be because of the medicine she’s taking and my other grandma is doing well, still mourning the loss of my grandfather. I try calling her once a week so she doesn’t feel so alone.

My family, although I didn’t pick them, they are they people that have loved me through thick and thin. They are the people that have known me all of my life and although we’re living miles away from each other, if I ever needed anything they would all be there for me, and that’s reassuring to know.

Onward I go…

Growing up as an only child I always longed for an older brother to play catch with or a younger sister to play house, but unfortunately I was never granted a sibling from my parents. I discovered at a very young age to entertain myself, I essentially became my own best friend. I learned that being alone was the norm, so when I grew up I started to depend more on myself than ever and that hasn’t changed all that much. The best-friends that I have in my life, I care about them like siblings - I figured if life didn’t grant me the chance to have blood siblings I might as well make them on my own. 

The stigma that an only child gets everything they want is absolutely true. When I was younger I would point my finger at a certain item and it was mine. As I got older the finger pointing stopped working and I had to be more cunning in getting what I wanted. When I was in my late teens my parents figured out my ways so they stopped giving me everything that I desired. Since I was use to a certain lifestyle, at the age of seventeen, I applied for my first job at Sam Goody to sell CD’s and DVD’s. I realized if my parents weren’t going to buy me what I wanted I would have to do it for myself. Looking back, I can appreciate what my parents were doing, they were teaching me a lesson on responsibility, but as a teenager I didn’t see it that way, I thought they were being unjust, but as a grown up I value them for the lesson they taught me.

Onward I go…

As a young boy I always knew that I didn’t want to grow up to work in a conventional job. I dreamed of being in the spotlight, I wasn’t sure how I was going to achieve that, but that’s what I longed for. When I realized that I wouldn’t be a musician, a dancer, or an actor I turned to writing; writing was a form of escape from my mundane life. I created worlds that I would never live, places I hadn’t yet traveled to, people I had encountered. Through my writing I would experience and live another life. Writing poetry, fiction and my background in the theatre led me to the world of playwriting. I knew that I had some form of talent and that talent led me to New York City to pursue a career in the theatre.

Dreams cost something and this dream is no exception; I moved to the other coast away from my loved ones to make a dream come true. I’m paying every day for this dream, I could have stayed in Southern California, but I knew that I was meant for something much bigger than myself. Unfortunately, I haven’t pursued this dream to the fullest. I’ve been surviving in New York CIty, but now that things are more stable in my life, it’s time to take this dream back and make it a reality.

There are times that I think that I should give up (let my dream of seeing my plays produced in front of an audience, actors speaking my words, directors and designers making my vision a reality) but when I do think like this I have to remind myself that I was giving a gift, the gift of storytelling and I can’t let this gift go to waste. Last month, I received a rejection letter from a festival I thought I would get in, it’s not my first and it won’t be my last rejection letter, I was disappointed, but with every disappointment comes a new form of motivation. I’ve been fortunate that in the past four months two of my good friends and amazing collaborators, who I went to grad school with have moved to New York. They want to produce one of my full-length plays at the end of the summer, not sure yet how we’re going to make it happen, but it will happen. So as I start to rewrite my full-length play, I’m very optimistic about my dream.     

Onward I go…

A few years back when I was in grad school, both of my roommates were turning thirty, a week or so before their birthday they both had that moment when it actually sinked in that they were turning thirty in a few days. I told them, “the reason why people panic about turning thirty is because they’re not in a place in their life where they’d thought they’d be when they turn thirty.” In twenty-five days it’ll be my turn to turn thirty. Am I at a place in my life I thought I’d be?! Yes and no. For the next twenty-five days (since my birthday is on May 25th) before I turn thirty I’ll be writing my thoughts and past experiences of my twenty-nine years in this world. Stay tuned.

Onward I go…

Morning Commute (The Day After Christmas) (Taken with instagram)